I am awoken by my alarm at 4:00 AM. The time has come to prove my courage and devotion to the lizard cause. I will run to the nearest pond and through myself into its freezing depths of murky duck droppings. There is nothing I will not suffer for my reward - breakfast at IHOP with two Lizard commanders. My rank is climbing.
As a reward for my loyalty I am given four precious hours off of mischief making. (12-4 PM)
Tonight we move Project Lizard beyond the halls of Bryn Mawr. There will be a mass infiltration of the Shipley Spring Formal. Wearing my CHICAGO costume I proposition the young, male and female alike, to join me in my quest to overthrow the patriarchy. I must collect 5 phone numbers (i.e. 5 more creators of chaos).
Sunday
Plenary. The chance of a lifetime. I will refuse to ratify the constitution and incite my fellow Lizards and other attendees to a mass riot à la Egypt to promote anarchy.
Following the riot I don my ninja costume for one final mission. I hide in the campus center and wait for Public Safety to declare it empty and lock the building for the night. Then I remove all of the chairs and use them to baricade all the entrances. Without access to the post office the world will crumble.
Monday
Work. I talk to the food...and no one else.
French. Another history lesson. I bake/buy a bunch of cupcakes and decorate them with flowers so they appear deceptively innocent. I tell everyone "I will let you eat this cake." In return, they overthrow Claire's monarchy, with encouragement from you, of course. You stop just short of cutting off her head, because you must show your regime to be more merciful than the previous one.
Biology. I explain all of the scientific phenomenon that my professor pretends to understand in terms of magic.
Dorm Olympics. Not only do I participate, but I win. Obviously...dressed as a lizard.
Tuesday
French. Every so often (at least 3 times) I stand up on my chair and sing the French National Anthem for no reason.
Bio Lab. I am Dr. Horrible (complete with costume and evil laughter) and I use this 3 hours period to tell everyone about my brilliant plans and inventions to take over the world and impress Bad Horse.
English. I deliver a seminar on why Harry Potter pwns every other book series in existence. If anyone attempts to contradict me I curse them with my pencil wand.
French TA Session. At 4:45 I yell "Vive la Resistance!" and run out of the room. I do not return.
Wednesday
French. I bring the largest baguette I can find to class and eat it, making it last the entire hour, with as many crumbs and crunchy noises as possible. I will not share.
Psychology. To help illustrate what a psycho looks like I deliver the "drinking out of cups" monologue.
French TA Session. I surreptitiously sell my box of Pall Mall Menthol cigarettes. I refuse to stop heckling everyone until every last cigarette has been purchased. Bartering and trade is also accepted.
Reconciliation Dinner. As a congratulatory gesture on your successful week of mayhem you are treated to dinner by the Lizard command group at a restaurant of your choice.
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